my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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