Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize