I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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