Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
