I smell stomach acid.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His nipple licking is glorious
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