Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
