After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm really busy with my period
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