have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
