I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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