My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
