sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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