I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
