I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
