Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
