we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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