I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
