I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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