We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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