Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
