I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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