Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
