new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
