My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
