Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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