Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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