so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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