I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
