Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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