mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
