She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sext me about skeletons
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
