It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
