this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you remember whose house we're in?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
