just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
