Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
