I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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