New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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