I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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