woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
