So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
