I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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