I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize