Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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