yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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