and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
