I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
