At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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