she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
