When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
