just tell him i said nine months
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
