He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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