When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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