Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize