They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
