here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
