There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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