I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
