it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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