Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize