I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
