The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
