i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
