Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize