i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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