she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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