Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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