I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
