Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
