she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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