Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
