I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
