I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
