Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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