so explain again why im purple
no
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
vagina is talking i cant
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
