You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
