Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
