I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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