Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
