i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
