would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
