Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
