I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
