I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize