don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i came on her dog
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
