Im at strip club and am horny
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
