She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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