Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
