i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize