Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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