ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
