Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize