His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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