Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
