I just cut my nipple shaving
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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