i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
