Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
