I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Alive.
So much puke
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
