The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
