I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
