i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
