i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
