I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
