woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
