i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize