i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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