Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
