I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize