i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
