You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
