none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
