dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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