also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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