I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
