did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you win again, gameday.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize