it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Semen is not good for contacts.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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