OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
