I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
