puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
